New Year....hmmmm. I don't think I like that word, after all what's wrong with old. I kinda like how things used to be. I really was looking forward to spending New Year's Eve with lots of people so that I wouldn't have to remember so much, so I wouldn't cry so much and so I wouldn't feel so alone. Now here I am all alone. It's no one's fault really and I know that but somehow things just turn out negatively for me. Lately everything I've wished for, asked for, prayed for or just even thought of...the exact opposite has happened. It's like there's something fighting against me and I don't know what. Maybe I just need to hit bottom... I just don't know what bottom is.

Well enough of the negative, I will try to remain positive. So what if I'm alone tonight or any night really. I'm a strong woman and I need to start acting the part. I do not need to be validated by anyone ( although it's nice every once in awhile). I can really do what I want, be what I want and go after what I want, rather then compromising myself all the time.

Andrianna...if you can here me, I miss you so much. This year, the next year, and all the ones that are coming will never be the same without you. You will remain in my heart forever and everyone I know and will come to know will get to know you through me. You will continue to touch everyone's lives just like you always have. Most of all I will never forget all the love you gave. I love you...more.