So everyone seems to be blogging these days, so I thought I would join the trend. I suppose it's a good way of getting out your thoughts, feelings and all the other stuff that sometimes seems to get stuck in your mind.

So much has changed since November 5, 2008. On that day my beautiful niece passed away and my life has never felt more empty. I found a quote that sums up exactly how I feel,

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." Edna St. Vincent Millay

Throughout her illness, I didn't once think that she would be gone. I truely believed that she would make it through. She was 18 years old and had amazing strength and determination. She LIVED every day and I just couldn't even fathom it. This could be why I'm having such a difficult time right now accepting that she's gone.
I loved spending time with her. I'm glad that I was able to take time off of work to be able to spend some time with her. It wasn't enough...there never seems to be enough time. I would wait every morning for her to call me to let me know that she was awake and I could come at any time. I would always ask her if she wanted me to bring her anything and she would always say, " Ummmmmmm, you could bring me a _______." She loved slurpees, usually a cream soda and Dr. Pepper or a Pepsi one. She loved them all the time but would drink most of it when it was melted. It would drive me crazy but I just laughed at it.
I would get to her hospital room and almost always she had a smile for me. We'd spend the days doing various things and sometimes nothing at all. On the days she felt really good we'd go for walks and go shopping. Shopping was our thing...we loved going to stores together and buying clothes or whatever. She'd pick black clothes with skulls on them and for the longest time I spent countless words trying to convince her to wear something more girly, of course it didn't work. All she had so say was, "Ciooooocia." I would give in and buy the black item with the skull on it.


In the last few weeks we bought these great hats from the hospital gift shop. I will post a picture that I took with my cellphone.

I miss her phonecall in the morning, her smiles, absolutely everything!
Every goodbye I would say "I love you" and she would respond "I love you too" (saying too in a high pitched child like voice). I would then say, "I love you more..." and she would say, "I love you more."
I miss telling her I love her....