What's normal anymore...

When something traumatic happens in your life you really begin to do abnormal things. I think I already mentioned the doorbell incident and saying it was Andrianna wanting to come in. What would make me think that? Is that even normal? Her ghost came down and rang my doorbell, just so I would open the door, find no one there and think it was her. Anyone normal would think I was crazy. It's that 'grasping on to things' again. Here's another thing I used as something to grasp on to because it's hard to face the reality. When Andrianna passed away I remember coming home that night and looking out the window at the landing overlooking the back yard. I was thinking in my head please give me a sign that Andrianna is here...and eventually I noticed what looks to be like the top of a skull (with the eyes showing) poking itself between branches of the shadow of a tree on the snow in my backyard. I'm logical...I know what the shadow is. My neighbors have a clothes line and it's the circle part casting a shadow. (like the picture to the left) I know it...and yet I still go to the window every night and talk to, or cry, or whisper or just stare at that shadow that looks like a skull. ( In case anyone didn't know Andrianna loved skulls...anything with a skull on it.) Am I insane? Nope...just grasping onto something to keep me sane I suppose. So this evening I decide I'm going to take a picture of this tree shadow and post it on here. Of course it didn't turn out too good because I'm taking the picture through a window and it's too cold to go outside. The shadow picture is on the right here.

I think it's okay to grasp onto something, whatever it is as long as it's helping you through. I grasp onto my friends when I need to, my family, a shadow, bells ringing, checking facebook to see what people have written on Andrianna's pages...anything that will get me through this little piece of hell.